


Ease My Mind

by ratbox



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Fluff and Angst, Gay Jared Kleinman, Inspired by Music, Kleinsen, M/M, ben platt's songs make me sob, evan lives alone, jared comes to visit him daily, sometimes he stays over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 23:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17858870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratbox/pseuds/ratbox
Summary: "you came out of nowhere, and you cut through all the noisei make sense to the madness, when i listen to your voice...darling, only you can ease my mind..."





	Ease My Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Blissfulbroadway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blissfulbroadway/gifts).



> ben platts music make me sob but also remind me of kleinsen a whole lot so uh yikes babye .. mm so heres this :) im sorry if this is terrible, im basing it all off the music video! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCKbw9OJIcg  
> also bella this is for you my man

Evan woke up with a shiver running down his spine. Light shone down into his room, and he slowly sat up. He ran a hand through his hair, and looked over to the window, sighing softly. He closed his eyes for a few moments, taking in a few breaths. It was one of those days. Most days, he would wake up with a familiar pit in his chest. It was a feeling that he figured he would never get used to, but he just had to get used to it. It was like there was something missing, an internal reminder that he was alone. Of course, he wasn't alone. He had Jared, but, somehow he was still lonely.

Evan got up, and walked to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror, and turned on the tap, leaning down and splashing some water in his face, trying to wake himself up completely. He looked into the mirror for a few moments, taking in the bad things about himself; the way he looked when he woke up. The bags under his eyes, and the mess that his hair was. He shook it off, and walked out, then into the kitchen, opening one of his cupboards and took out a bag of tea. Then, he turned on the kettle that always sat on his counter, boiling the water that was inside. He waited, leaning against the counter, watching the steam rise. 

Soon enough, it was done, and the water was in his mug. The teabag in the water. Milk and sugar accompanying the tea once it was completely ready. He watched the milk sink to the bottom, then come back to the top. It was always a new swirling partner, but after days, and weeks, and years of making tea and seeing the same thing over and over... it was all getting all too familiar.

Evan sat down, crossing his legs in the chair, and slowly drinking his tea. He was quiet. Evan didn't make a lot of noise. He didn't like to. He felt like even if he breathed, the neighbouring apartment owners would come knocking on his door and complain. It was an irrational fear, considering his neighbours were both in college and were gone most of the day.

His thoughts were pushes aside by a knock at the door, and then at the sound of his phone going off.

_'i'm here <3'_

Evan smiled, and got up, putting his tea down on the coffee table. He walked over to the door of his apartment, and unlocked it. He opened it up, and immediately hugged Jared close. Jared smiled, and wrapped his own arms around him, kissing his shoulder. 

Jared came over pretty much every day. Of course, there was days where either Evan had work, or Jared had work, or they both had work at the same time... but they made up for those days with weekend visits like this, where Jared would spend the night. Evan loved these weekends. They were the times where he felt truthfully happy. Really, he was only truthfully happy when Jared was around. When he was holding his hand, and giving him kisses. They'd been dating for almost a year, and despite Evan's ruthless anxiety, he still managed to keep a smile on his face whenever Jared was around. Well, most of the time, anyway. Of course there were times when Evan was having one of those days, and he was easy to provoke. There was a lot going on some days. Days like today, when he would wake up with the familiar pit in his chest. The days where he needed Evan the most.

Jared pulled back a small bit, moving his hands to hold Evan's face, smiling. "Good morning."

"Morning." Evan replied, smiling back softly down to the other. 

The two walked inside, and Jared sat down beside Evan on his couch, watching him drink his tea. "I swear you have, like, an addiction to that stuff."

"What? It's good. Makes me feel warm when you're not around."

Jared couldn't help but smile. He wrapped an arm around Evan, which caused Evan to lean his head on his shoulder. "Coffee is better, though." Jared said.

"Agree to disagree." Evan replied, leaning forward a small bit to put his mug on the counter. He then cuddled up to Jared, wrapping his arms around him, hugging him from the side. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

"No. I'm okay, baby. Thank you, though." Jared kissed his head, and sighed contently. He closed his eyes, and rested his chin on the top of Evan's head.

"Are you spending the night?" Evan asked, lifting his head a small bit. Jared lifted his own, and looked back down to Evan.

He nodded, kissing his nose. "I was planning on it."

"Thank god."

Jared could always tell when Evan was having one of those days. Those days where he had obviously been off his medication for a while. Jared didn't bring up the medication thing anymore, seeing that the last time ended in them almost breaking up. Evan telling him that he didn't need them, and Jared arguing back that he did. There were weeks that Evan would forget about them. Jared wished that Evan had a system of remembering, but he couldn't force anything. Jared knew that today was one of those days; he could see it in Evan's eyes, and in the way that he was slightly tense, and that his hands were a bit shaky. He hoped that he could help him out of this. He often did, and he was thankful for that. Jared just wanted to make sense to the madness that was Evan's anxiety.

The day went on. They moved from Evan's couch, to his bed. Evan rested on his chest, while Jared combed through his hair. "Hey, babe. Can I cook supper?" Jared asked.

"Have those lessons been paying off?" Evan asked, laughing softly.

Jared shrugged. "I guess we'll have to see. Food Network may have taught me well, I don't know." He joked.

Evan laughed a bit more, kissing Jared's chest a few times. "I'm excited to see what Food Network has put up your sleeve." 

So, after a quick nap, Jared did just that. Evan set the table, and Jared made alfredo. All the while, the two listened to David Bowie on Evan's Bluetooth speaker. Jared sang along quietly as he cooked, glancing over to see Evan admiring him. He smiled to him, which prompted Evan to walk over, and hug him from behind, watching him cook over his shoulder. Jared smiled brightly, moving one hand to place on top of the ones that were resting on his middle. Small moments like this were something that both Jared and Evan both longed for. Evan especially. 

Soon enough, dinner was ready. Jared walked over to the table, Evan following behind him. Evan had poured water for the two of them, and lit a candle. It was very DIY romantic. Jared loved it. He put some food on Evan's plate, then some onto his, then put the empty pot into the sink. He sat down, and smiled across to Evan, reaching out to hold onto his hand as they ate. Usually the two just got take out, and relaxed on the couch, watching some Netflix documentary, but today Jared felt like being extra. A homecooked meal, with the love of his life. Jared looked over to watch the flame of the candle, as did Evan.

"How is it that fire can mean so many different things?" Evan asked.

"Explain?"

"Well. It can mean anger. Like, you're fiery with anger... or love, like a burning romance. But it can also be calming. Watching the wax drip away, and the flame move back and forth-"

"Jesus, Ev. You should write poetry. You're a poet." Jared said. Evan laughed softly, and gripped his hand. 

"Jokes on you, Jare. I have." 

"Can I read it?" Jared asked, excitedly.

"Maybe... no. Not now. No." Evan shook his head. All of the poetry he had wrote was emotional. A lot about his anxiety, and his thoughts on his dad. Some about Jared. A lot of it was older, when Jared and him were only friends-- family-friends. The Connor Project. Okay, so, maybe had a lot of poetry sitting around, but he didn't want Jared to read it. He would laugh. Call him out on it. His hand started to shake, and his heart sped up. "I-I'll-- I'll be right back." Evan let go of Jared;s hand, blowing out the candle, then rushing into the bedroom. Jared got up after him, following him.

Evan was curled up on the edge of the bed, picking at his hands. Jared rushed over, sitting down beside him. "I'm sorry that I asked-"

"No, no-- no. Don't-- no. No." Evan shook his head, hugging himself. His voice was shaky. Sometimes the slightest things could set Evan off. Something as simple as Jared asking to read his poetry. Especially on days like this, when Evan was bound to be anxious and emotional. The days that Evan described as "days where he's restless, and quiet won't come", and "and when he woke up with a pit in his chest". Jared took Evan's hand, letting him squeeze it. 

"Honey. Babe, it's okay, just take deep breaths. It's okay." Jared said, gently stroking the back of his hand with his thumb. Evan took in short, sharp breaths, but eventually, after a few minutes, and a change in position to sit on the floor, he regained his calm breathing. Evan brought his legs up to his chest, hugging them. 

"I'm sorry." He said, and leaned into Jared. Jared wrapped an arm around him, and held him closed. Evan pressed a kiss to Jared's hand, where it was resting on his leg. "You can read it. Just don't make fun of it."

"I don't need to, Ev. It's okay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Jared replied.

Evan was thankful for that. "Thank you..."

"Of course, baby."

Jared pressed a kiss to the side of Evan's head. 

He thought of something. "Hey, I'll be right back." He stood up, reluctantly letting go of Evan's hand to walk back out to the kitchen. He put all of the pasta that was on Evan's plate onto his own, and grabbed both of their forks, and the candle, then walked back into the bedroom. He leaned down, putting the candle down beside them. He smiled to him, then sat down, holding out the plate of pasta to him. Evan smiled endearingly to Jared, tearing up a small bit. He was such a sweetheart. Jared handed Evan a fork, and he gratefully took it. He held onto the opposite side of the plate as Jared, and happily started to eat. Evan admired the other boy as he ate. He was in love. It was obvious. 

A few more hours past. And then a few more.

Evan and Jared had fallen asleep. It was about 2:00, when Jared sat up, and turned on the lights. Evan's eyes opened slowly, and he looked over to Jared as he stood up.

"Let's go out."

"Jared-- babe, it's," Jared glanced over to the time. "It's 2:00 in the morning."

"Exactly." 

Evan couldn't help but give in. He got out of bed, and got dressed. He put on one of the hoodies that Jared had given him. Jared threw on his coat, and took Evan's hand, leading him out of the apartment and downstairs, then outside. The two walked down the block, and into a small park. He stopped mid-way through, under the glow of a streetlight. Jared reached up, cupping Evan's face. He leaned up, pressing his lips against Evan's, kissing him gently. Evan smiled softly into the kiss, kissing him back with the same amount of gentleness. The kiss was eager, but soft, and calm. Jared kept Evan close, and his love for the boy closer. 

Evan pulled away after a while, but kept his face close. He took a moment to catch his breath, pressing their foreheads together. "I love you, Jared."

Jared smiled lovingly up to Evan, catching his own breath. "I love you, too, Evan. Forever and always."

"To the moon and back." Evan retorted.

"Further." Jared finished, kissing him again.

It was strange that a day that was so terrible could turn out so great.   
Only Jared could ease his mind. 


End file.
